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Fostering Independence in Twins

Amanda Hadley — Tue, 07 Mar 2023 10:00:00 +0000

I’m that mom that LOVES to dress my twins the same. I’m the one thinking up Halloween costumes only twins can pull off, and I am guilty of overusing #twinning. But as my twins get older, I’ve started to intentionally foster independence in my twinnies. (Oops, I did it again.) I have fraternal girl twins that are as different as night and day, but still, so many people see them as the same person. Independence is crucial for every child, but twins often have to work harder to get it. I must constantly remind myself, that although they shared a womb, and share a birthday, they are still two separate people. To encourage their individuality, I have been doing my best to observe their differences and unique traits. Here are a few tips I’ve learned, along with a couple of bonus side effects. Honor their Preferences As with many parents of twins, I have one twin that is the natural leader, and the other that follows her sister around. I had to learn how they like to spend quality time so I could boost the confidence of my little follower. One of my littles loves sitting together on the couch watching a show or reading a book. The other loves going out on adventures and exploring. Each is important and I strive to do these things each day so that they both get what they need. I also let them make their own choices when it comes to snacks, toys, or art projects. These little things make a difference. When they are encouraged to pick what they want, they are more confident in making decisions. Which in turn allows them to build their own identity. Let Them Choose One of the first steps in fostering independence in twins is allowing them to make their own decisions. This could be as simple as letting them choose which shirt they want to wear or what activity they want to do for the day. Now that my twins are three, I can no longer force them into matching outfits. Rather, I let them pick out what they feel like wearing. One is into dresses and shoes, the other would rather wear nothing but we settle for a t-shirt and pants. There are special occasions like family pictures where I may bribe them to dress alike, but in general, I let them have ownership of getting ready in the morning. (Be prepared that people may ask you, “how far apart are they?” and when you answer, “Two minutes!” they are surprised. It gets harder to identify fraternal twins when they aren’t matching.) Giving them a sense of control over their choices helps build confidence and autonomy. Separate Them in School This is for each family to decide when the timing is right and you will find zero judgment from me. We separated our twinnies this year, against my wishes, and it ended up being the best decision ever. They now have their own friends, aren’t constantly compared to one another by teachers, and have very different conversations about how their days went. Plus, in the long run, separate classes could lead to better academic performance. Twins easily become too dependent on each other, limiting their individual abilities and academic skills. Separating them can help them develop their own strengths and how to work independently. I have noticed their confidence increase and they no longer stick together like glue all the time, just most of the time. One-On-One Time Spending one-on-one time with each twin gives you the opportunity for them to have your undivided attention, and you to have theirs. This helps them feel valued and important. It also allows you to focus on their individual needs and interests, which can help foster their independence. During this one-on-one time, allow them to make decisions about what they want to do or where they want to go. This can help boost their confidence in decision-making and allow them to feel more in control of their own lives. Avoid Comparisons This is a hard one, even for non-twin-baring parents. If it feels like one is falling behind the other, it’s hard not to compare them. But try. Remember that even though they share a birthday, they are two separate people. Focus on their individual strengths and accomplishments, and try not to refer to them as a unit (I know this might just be the hardest tip of them all)! Overall, fostering independence in twins is crucial for their development and can have many positive effects on their identity, problem-solving skills, and accountability. By honoring their preferences, letting them choose their own clothes, separating them in school (if appropriate), and spending one-on-one time with each twin, parents can help their twins become more independent individuals. Remember to avoid comparisons and encourage problem-solving to further support their growth. With these strategies in place, you can help your twins thrive and become confident, capable individuals. Bonus #1 Would you believe me if I told you that by fostering independence in your twins, they may actually have a stronger bond? WHAT! I know, but it’s true. When twins are encouraged to develop their own interests and identities, they may actually share more with each other. Bonus #2 I have noticed that by encouraging them to be their own people, they are more helpful around the house. NO seriously. By giving my twinadoes a sense of independence, they crave responsibility and doing more things on their own. Case and point, tip number two. By letting them pick their own clothes, they want to get dressed on their own. Does this take a little longer? Yes. But if I plan ahead and make it fun, it becomes one less thing for me to do in the morning. Plus it gives them an immediate sense of accomplishment. One also likes to take care of the dog and the other likes to help with laundry. It’s a fun way to connect one-on-one with my twins… Continue Reading Fostering Independence in Twins

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10 Things I Enjoy About Being Home with Twins

Twiniversity — Wed, 02 Sep 2020 10:00:00 +0000

Are you looking for the silver lining in being home with twins? Read the 10 things one twin mom says she loves about being home with twins. Day one thousand seven hundred and eight of quarantine. Or week six to those without twins. As a single mom of twins, practicing social distancing has been hard. There are days I’m exhausted and not sure how I will meet my deadlines while ensuring my kids are learning something. And then there are days where we do something crazy like plant a garden and only wear pajamas. It’s called survival. But this isn’t going to one of those “do it all and be it all” articles. Rather, I want to focus on what I appreciate about being at home with twins in the midst of a global pandemic. For one, we are safe and healthy and if my biggest inconvenience is having to stay home, then I have nothing to complain about. Here are ten things I appreciate about being home with twins: Binge-watched all your Netflix shows? We have TWO podcasts you should binge-listen to now! Click here to download them for FREE. 1. Built-in playdates being home with twins For once it may be easier than having a singleton. My twinadoes are four now and for at least a few moments in the day, they can play quietly with each other. The best moments are the little giggles you hear from their bunk beds. Okay, often those giggles mean trouble, but it’s nice to have a built-in playdate for life, especially being home with twins for the foreseeable future. 2. I’m never bored being home with twins Let’s face it, life is never boring. Whether I’m on a Zoom call with work pretending I didn’t just see a bowl full of cereal fall to the ground, or explaining to my neighbors that my kids are just trying to feed the squirrels, I always have something to do…and clean. No fear of boredom being home with twins. 3. One will eat the other’s leftover food As food deliveries are hard to come by, I’ve turned into my grandmother who weathered the Great Depression, insisting that nothing go to waste. Thankfully, with twins, one will always finish what the other doesn’t want. In some sort of miracle, one may eat the chicken and the other the hummus, so that nothing goes to waste while I’m home with twins. Need a little twin parent perspective? See what one mom says about the benefits of having twins in a pandemic here. 4. Someone will do something educational Rarely can I get both twins to engage on their Zooms calls or preschool worksheets – but nearly always, one of the two will want to say hi to their friends, listen to storytime, or complete a letter sheet. So while I’m not Mary Poppins, I can say we will complete homeschooling with learning something new each day while being home with twins during the pandemic. Nervous about travel during this global pandemic? See what Twiniversity founder Natalie Diaz has to say about staying safe when you have to travel now. 5. My coworkers always get a taste of parenthood Whether my coworkers want kids or not, one of my dynamic duo will pop up periodically on Zoom meetings with work. Usually, it provides a bit of humor in our days as I am informed that the toilet is overflowing or that they created a new mural on the wall. If nothing else, they now understand why I’m constantly on mute since I’m home with twins. 6. I’ve made time for creativity being home with twins I can’t say I’ve ever used Pinterest before this or bought pipe cleaners, but now I’m constantly on the search for a fun art project to do with the kiddos in order to keep them entertained while being home with twins. I will warn that expectations should be kept in check, as I planned for a chalk mural to take an hour, but it only lasted five minutes. Are you struggling to form twin parent connections during the pandemic? Check out our Twiniversity memberships and see what amazing benefits are waiting for you! 7. Bring on the sunshine Any excuse to get outside and we are there. Whether the kids are on their scooters during my morning work meeting, or we are taking an epic three-mile bike ride to the duck pond, I am constantly soaking up every minute to get outside and be free while being home with twins. Be the first to hear about new posts and giveaways by subscribing to our email list now! 8. Watch this garden grow My Great Grandparents owned a farm and I like to think I inherited my “green thumb” from them. Truth be told, I never planted a garden before but it’s been a fun adventure and given us all something to do, while I can claim I taught my kids a new science project while I was home with twins during this quarantine. Have you been worried about distance learning with your twins? Click here to read distance learning tips from a twin mom and high school teacher and get your kids’ school year started off on the right foot. 9. Mr. Rogers Neighborhood I love our neighborhood but now that I’m home with twins, I feel close to my neighbors. The girls have no problem knocking on our new neighbors’ door and asking if they can walk their dog. It’s been a great exercise in humanity and getting to know each other…at a safe social distance of course. 10. Tattle Tale As I’m writing this, one of my twins came and closed my door. Normally, I would hesitate and investigate the motive behind this. But at four, they are tattle tales and will always spill the beans each other. This has allowed me to relax and know that we all need a moment to ourselves while at home with twins. While… Continue Reading 10 Things I Enjoy About Being Home with Twins

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How to Parent Daredevil Twins

Twiniversity — Tue, 10 Apr 2018 05:00:21 +0000

I have a serious question for every parent of multiples. Is it just me, or are twins insane? But really. From now on, when someone tells me they are expecting multiples, I’m just going to buy them helmets and bubble wrap. Take no chances with your precious cargo. Bolt everything to the wall. Pad the rooms. Lock the windows. Seriously. Despite your best efforts, your “twinados” will still find a way to hurt themselves. Case in point. We noticed our little ones love to climb. So we are extremely careful about not having any step stools near our staircase. It’s an open space so if they were to crawl over the rail it would be a worse case scenario. Oh, but low and behold, our tiny tots have figured out how to crawl up the banister using their hands and feet. I mean seriously. Jesus, take the wheel. Sound familiar? I’ll do my best to share five tips to keep your sanity while parenting daredevil twins. Take a deep breath Into a paper bag. Joking. Sort of. I know how stressful twin parenting is, and I hate it when people tell me to relax, but sometimes I need someone to tell me to relax. The positive side of having kids that love adventure and get a kick out of our rising blood pressure? They are going to be world changers. Truly. And they may also participate in the X Games. Hard to tell at this point, but regardless, encouraging them to be brave and curious about the world around them is truly a gift we can give them. Resist the urge to helicopter parent I’m writing this for myself. Nearly every day my husband tells me to go inside so he and the girls can have #donttellmom adventures. Those adventures include jumping off the picnic table, the fire pit, and other daredevil shenanigans that have taken years off my life. I said I would be the cool mom who just watches from the kitchen, but really I’m the nervous mom who freaks out when they decide to jump off the swings or scale the fence. So I’m working on my chill and letting my husband take on the adventures that cause me to crack. Teach safe commands Someone actually suggested I get my children leashes – that’s how bad they are at listening. And I’m not going to lie, I considered this. But then I also decided it was time for me to teach some healthy boundaries, so we are now “working” on safe commands. What do I mean? When we’re in a parking lot it’s a no-running zone and they must hold my hands at all times. When we’re playing outside they have to stay on the grass and not run into the street. Do they always do this? No, but they are making progress and it’s definitely helped me enforce rules and alleviate some of the stress of leaving the house with twin Evel Knievels. Redirect The easiest way I have been able to get my kids out of harm’s way? Redirect. Trying to jump into moving traffic? Here’s a gummy! Pushing each other on top of the big slide? First one down gets a piggyback ride! Scaling the walls? Hey look, there’s a squirrel outside! (There’s not really a squirrel outside.) Call it bribery, trickery, whatever you want, but it works. Rather than work myself up into a panic, which they somehow read as additional attention, I try to change the subject and get them to focus on something less dangerous. It works for tots so here’s hoping I can carry this into the elementary years. Remember kids are resilient I read all of those European parenting books and swore I was going to be a French mother and not bother with all the little worries, but I can’t. So when I assess the bouncy castle situation at a birthday party and map out 17 different ways they can incur a brain injury, I have to take a step back and remind myself that kids are resilient. How many times have my kids fallen, bumped their heads, and so forth? I don’t know. I never had time to keep track of a baby book and I’m currently trying to NOT remember the toddler years, so it’s anyone’s guess. We only had to go the ER once and that was because one of them wouldn’t poop, so I’m trying to take it day by day, worry less, and laugh in the face of fear. At the end of the day? Let’s champion our little daredevils and encourage them to live bold, adventurous lives. After all, it’s the ones who aren’t afraid of failing that go off and soar. (I feel like that’s a meme quote? Also a bit cheesy? But after yesterday’s attempt to crawl into a sewer I need cheesy.) Related Articles Are My Twins Ready for Bunk Beds? 5 Tips to Teach Your Twins to Harness Self-Control 5 Tips to Find Activities for Twin Toddlers

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