Twin Toddler Behavior & Discipline Archives | Twiniversity #1 Parenting Twins Site

Stay in Bed: Keeping Your Toddlers in Bed at Bedtime

Amanda Hadley — Tue, 27 Dec 2022 10:00:00 +0000

Are you struggling with keeping your toddlers in bed during bedtime? If your kids just won’t stay in their own beds at night, don’t worry, you aren’t alone. In fact, we see this issue a lot in our Twin Community. Read on below for some helpful tips and tricks from moms who have dealt with the same thing. A MoM recently asked “Just transitioned my 3 year old twins into big kid beds. How do I keep them in their beds and bedroom after our bedtime routine?” Here is what our Twiniversity Community had to say: More tips on how to keep your toddlers in their beds at night These are all great suggestions and advice, but the reality is, there is no right answer. There is no one way or one trick that works for every child. Let’s talk a little more about some of the methods mentioned above. Methods for Keeping Toddlers in Bed Walking them back to bed, again and again (and again) This is a simple, yet often frustrating method. Basically, whenever one or both of your toddlers come out of their room, you walk them back to bed. You repeat this as many times as it takes. You don’t want to get angry or show any emotion, in fact say as few words as possible. Take their hand or pick them up, say “It’s time for bed,” and walk them back to bed. Ideally, after several nights of this, your twins get the point and stay in bed. Wake-up clocks to help kids sleep better A wake-up clock is a special clock for younger kids who are unable to read or tell time. It displays colors that indicate when it is time to sleep and when it is time to get up. Depending on the model, you may also get a sound machine included. I’m a HUGE fan of a white noise machine for helping my twins get to sleep and stay asleep. The Hatch Rest+ The Hatch Rest+ is the ULTIMATE Sleep machine. It includes 11 soothing sounds, a night light with time-to-rise, an audio monitor, clock and can be completely controlled with your smartphone and/or Alexa. If you already have a sound machine and really just want a simple light training clock, then the OK to Wake! Alarm Clock & Night-Light is for you. OK to Wake! Alarm Clock & Night-Light The OK to Wake clock features a soothing yellow night-light to comfort your children as they fall asleep. Then, in the morning, it glows green when it’s OK for your children to get out of bed! It does have a nap timer, alarm clock with snooze, and it also has fun animations to give it a bit of personality. By letting your little ones know via lights or sounds when it is an appropriate time to be awake, a wake-up clock can help establish healthy sleep schedules. Door Locks To Keep Toddlers in Bed When transitioning your toddlers from crib to bed, it allows them increased access to their environment, and an over-active curiosity to accompany it. So, sometimes you have to keep the door closed by measures similar (or 100% identical) to locking the door. Child-Proof Door Knob A child-proof door knob is simply a cover that goes over the Knob and spins freely so tiny hands can’t twist the door knob open but are easy for parents to grip when opening the door. It’s a simple, yet effective safety device. Door Handle reversal Door handle reversal is a really simple method to keep your kids in their rooms and safe. To utilize the door handle reversal method, you will simply swap the outer handle with the inside handle (with the door lock). This puts your door lock on the outside of the bedroom instead of the inside. Door Monkey The Door Monkey’s unique design automatically locks interior doors in a slightly cracked position.This helps protect little fingers from pain-ful door pinch injuries and allows fresh air to circulate through the secured room. The Door Monkey simply clamps to the edge of the door, without tools, tape, or hardware. Mount it high and out of sight for taller users, or down low for shorter users. The Door Monkey is operable from either side of the door, preventing accidental lock-ins. The door locking method works (because it literally keeps your children inside their room). Not everyone will agree with this method, and that is okay. Always do what is best for you and your family. But do remember that this method is not done to be mean or as a punishment, it is done to keep control over the situation and provide safety for your newly mobile toddlers. Lay with Them Until They Fall Asleep I used this method with my singleton, and I will be completely honest, I HATED EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF IT. I would lay on her floor, counting the seconds until she fell asleep so I could tackle my growing to-do list. And then becoming agitated when she wouldn’t stop talking and just go the EFF to sleep. However, my husband loved it, and so do a lot of other parents. This is a great method with little to zero parenting guilt involved. It is also a fool proof method to keep your toddlers in their bed (you are literally there to stop them), however, it is also completely dependent on parent participation. Once you have chosen your method, it is very important to stick with it and maintain consistency. Try not to bounce between methods, it is likely to confuse your toddlers and cause you to become the underdog in this parent-teaching experience. And remember, sleep is a need, not a want. You need to do what works for you and your family, so that everyone gets a good rest.

The post Stay in Bed: Keeping Your Toddlers in Bed at Bedtime appeared first on Twiniversity #1 Parenting Twins Site.

How Can I Understand and Manage My Impulsive Twins?

Twiniversity — Tue, 09 Feb 2021 10:00:00 +0000

Are you struggling with your impulsive twins? Learn why your twins’ impulsive nature isn’t your fault and how you can help manage their behavior. “Why can’t my kid stop doing that thing I told them not to do?!” Sound familiar? “I must have told them a thousand times already- and yet, they keep just doing it!” Right? Why Are They So Impulsive? Sometimes as parents, it is our expectations of our children’s behaviour (or our society’s expectations of our children’s behaviour) that is actually more problematic than the behaviour itself. Sometimes our expectations of how our children “should” behave are not in alignment with their brain development. If we expect them to behave in a way that is not within their developmental capacity, we are setting them (and ourselves) up for failure. If we take it personally when our kids can’t “behave”, we feel like we are failing. As though we must not be “teaching” them properly. However, if we see their behavior as a reflection of their immaturity (rather than our parenting), then we can find patience, compassion, and empathy. We can be their leader and set them up for success, control the environment, and do our best to avoid situations where we feel that their impulse control is not yet mature enough for the situation we are placing them in (to the best of our ability of course). Understanding the Science Behind Impulsive Twins Bear with me for while I briefly geek out with some brain science to support your perspective, patience, and peace. Dr. Dan Siegel and Tiny Payne Bryson use a beautiful analogy in their book, The Whole Brain Child, that will help me speak to this. They want you to imagine your brain is a house, with a downstairs and an upstairs. Your “downstairs brain” is more “primitive” and responsible for basic functions like breathing, blinking, innate reactions and *impulses*, and strong emotions (like anger and fear). The downstairs brain is really in charge of the mechanisms we need to survive and happen below that conscious awareness of the “upstairs brain”, at a more instinctual level. Say, you see something coming at you in the corner of your eye? You have probably flinched or braced yourself out of instinct and impulse (if your downstairs brain is doing its job!) before your upstairs brain has even had time to cognitively determine what the “threat” is. A ball? Your dog? Just your toddler coming in for a hug and not actually a threat at all? How Do These Two Brains Work Together? Certain types of sensory input (in this example, quick movement in your peripheral vision) and emotions (emotion means “to move”) move us to respond fast- for our survival’s sake. Your upstairs brain takes longer to work, so your downstairs brain responds automatically for you! It is designed to keep you safe. Your upstairs brain is different. It is our “thinking” brain, and controls our higher-order analytical thinking. Dr. Siegel and Dr. Payne Bryson help us imagine a metaphorical staircase between the two parts of the brain that allow them to integrate. So that our thinking brain can temper the strong reactions, impulses, and emotions that originate from a more primitive brain. While we are born with a well-developed downstairs brain- the upstairs brain doesn’t reach full maturity until a person reaches their mid-twenties. It’s actually one of the last parts of the brain to develop. We can picture standing in the downstairs brains’ of your impulsive twins, looking up the staircase where the upstairs should be, and see big patches of sky through the unfinished roof. Their brains are really still “under construction”. Change Your Mindset Here is where the perspective shift and empathy come from: the behaviors we want most for our children, like making “good choices”, controlling their emotions and bodies, empathy, self-understanding, and morality- are dependent on a part of their brain that isn’t fully developed yet. Not because you are a bad parent, not because you have bad kids, but because developmentally they are working with equipment that is still under construction! Sometimes their upstairs brain will quite literally be unable to stop the behavior the downstairs brain has put into motion. We can tell ourselves “my kids are working with immature hardware and they need my gentle guidance and understanding to help them grow into the functions they are acquiring”. Point out Alternatives to the Behavior I’m not saying hitting their brother or eating the cookie you told them not to eat is “okay”, but we can certainly acknowledge and relate to the emotions and impulses that drove them to those behaviors. “Ugh, it is so frustrating when your brother takes your toys! I bet that made you so mad! I can’t let you hit, I’m going to hold your hands until your body doesn’t feel like hitting any more”. Or “I saw you take that cookie, and that is not what we are eating. You really love cookies, and I bet it was so hard to try not to eat them. But you will not do that again” I love Dr. Vanessa Lapointe’s approach and language to cope with your child’s impulsive transgressions, we need to be equal parts firm and kind. But she also points out that we must not delude ourselves to think that when something happens, and we use the “right words”, and we find that place in ourselves that is just perfectly firm and kind- that this means they will NEVER “mess up” or give in to their impulses again. Of course, they will do these things again- remember the holes in the roof of their upstairs brain (until they are almost 25!!)? We come alongside with equal parts firm and kind, as many times as it takes. Control Inner Influences to Manage Impulses Go to connection over disconnection in order for the child to patch those holes in their roof- growth and learning happen within the context of the relationship. Fatigue, hunger, sickness,… Continue Reading How Can I Understand and Manage My Impulsive Twins?

The post How Can I Understand and Manage My Impulsive Twins? appeared first on Twiniversity #1 Parenting Twins Site.

Toddler Running Away? 10 Tips to Deal

Twiniversity — Wed, 21 Oct 2020 20:33:08 +0000

Learn 10 tips to manage your toddler running away (or TWO toddlers running away, often in different directions!), sponsored by our friends at Step2! Make sure to check out their Side-By-Side Push Around SUV Click here to buy on Amazon. Take the fun of outdoor ride-on toys to the next level with the side-by-side design of this double ride-on! Two toddlers can ride comfortably in the all-new Side-By-Side Push Around SUV™ by Step2, each with contoured seats and lots of legroom. From the realistic off-road SUV styling to the large wheels with swivel steering and extra storage under the seat bench, this double ride-on toy has so many features that add excitement to any adventure and keeps your toddler running away at a minimum. Buckle up with the two seat belts and fold the adjustable canopy down to lock into place for a shaded ride. Little ones can even pretend to drive their off-road dune buggy, each with their own steering wheel! There’s even extra storage for parents, too; store trip essentials in the mesh pockets on the back of the canopy base. Toddler Running Away? 10 Tips to Deal The moment your toddler finally starts to walk is full of excitement. When you’ve got twins and you have two toddlers starting to walk, it’s a next-level thrill ride. And when two toddlers start to run…it’s like chasing a runaway freight train (or two)! This is a big problem because you are a parent of multiples. One is heading north and the other one south. Say good-bye to the perfect afternoon, because you are now in a state of panic. This subject gives me post-traumatic stress thinking about it. My twins loved to run and it scared me to death. I had my share of humiliation and shedded tears of defeat. With that disclosure, I hereby claim that I am not an expert; however, I did learn a few tips along the journey: 1. Practice Patience Toddler running starts around 15 months of age. They are exploring a new world and learning how to set boundaries. It is important to remember that our children are not trying to be naughty or rebel against us. They are in, what pediatricians call, the “exploratory stage”. At this age, they cannot fully comprehend the dangers involved with running away. Be patient. You won’t be able to stop toddler running overnight, but if you practice persistence the situation will improve a lot faster. How to Get Out the Door With Twins in 10 Easy Steps (or, Why I’m Always Sweating) 2. Set Boundaries If you are taking your running toddlers out to play, give them a visual boundary. Teach them that they cannot go beyond a certain point. Toddlers identify everything with the senses. If they touch, see, and hear something they are likely to comprehend it longer. Walk the boundaries with them so they understand where the stopping point is. Use a tree, a rope, or draw a chalk line to visually identify their boundaries. Reward and encourage them when they stop where they should. 3. Talk Expectations Before you leave the house, set the expectations. Explain to them what you are going to do, and tell them what you want them to do. “We are going into a parking lot with lots of cars and I need you to hold mommy’s hand.” Keep it simple and help them to understand the importance. Ask them a question at the end of your instruction to ensure they understand. “Can you hold my hand?” Toddlers will forget what your expectations are, so remind them throughout your journey. If your toddler takes off, try to avoid using the words “no” or “stop”. Instead, try sentences like “stay on the grass”, “slow down your feet”, or “can you show me freeze”. Talk to them and they are likely to stay with you to have a conversation. Need strategies for getting the twins out the door? Read this: Getting Out the Door with Twins 4 . Find Safe Places Identify your safe spots for toddler running. This may be a fenced-in yard or a park. Take them to the safe spot and let them run. Giving them the freedom to explore in a safe place will reduce the number of times they run off in dangerous situations. As you allow them to run, keep them within a safe distance and utilize this time to practice boundaries and the following tools. 5. Teach Them Danger Start teaching your toddler about things that could hurt them. Don’t be afraid to use the word “dangerous.” Do it in a way not to scare them, but allow them to see why it is not safe to run off. Let them see the cars moving around them. In the grocery store, show them how you cannot see someone after they turn a corner. Explain that if they can’t see mommy, she can’t see you. Songs and books on the subject are great teaching tools. 6. Remember Safety If your toddlers are too young to understand danger, keeping them safe in a wagon, stroller, backpack harnesses, or a push car will be necessary, especially if you are out with them on your own. Take your time letting them “off-leash” in public. There’s no rush and you should do it when you’re confident they can follow directions. You are a parent of multiples. You don’t have one toddler to chase; you have two or more. Don’t worry what other people think — do whatever you feel is necessary to keep your children safe. Remember that no amount of instruction will guarantee that your toddlers will not run off. It is important to take responsibility to ensure your child’s safety. Find out what works for you, and use these tools to keep them at your feet. 7. Hands On This tool is all about keeping their little hands close. It is easy for the public to suggest that we hold our toddlers’ hands while en route. As… Continue Reading Toddler Running Away? 10 Tips to Deal

The post Toddler Running Away? 10 Tips to Deal appeared first on Twiniversity #1 Parenting Twins Site.

4 Tips for Coping With Twin Toddler Tantrums

Twiniversity — Tue, 23 Jul 2019 04:00:32 +0000

Before I had children I was certain I wouldn’t have one of those children — two in my particular case — who would fall to the floor in a heap of screams and tears, especially in public. I didn’t even know that a small human was capable of yelling, crying, and hitting their head simultaneously until I became a mom. After we had our little ones, we watched other parents around us dealing with tantrums and we would silently commend ourselves for raising such amazing children who didn’t have outbursts. I was humbled when we hit the stage of toddler tantrums around the time our twins were two and a half years old. One difference I noticed with my friends that have singletons, or even children that were a few years apart, was that they were dealing with one child at a time. They could focus all of their energy and attention on one child. How on earth do you handle toddler tantrums when you have more than one child of the same age? Six months later we are still dealing with these little tirades, but they are getting less frequent and less volatile. As we continue to master the art of keeping our little ones calm, and ourselves in the process, I have found four tips that keep the tantrums manageable while embracing the opportunity to show our kids how much we love them even when we don’t love their behavior. 1. Step Back and Breathe Unless your children are injuring themselves, or could possibly injure themselves, take a moment to step back and assess the situation. What’s going on right now? Which child needs you more right now? If the answer is both of them or all of them, try to situate yourself in between them so you can reach and touch everyone. This is when I have to remind myself to breathe so I don’t escalate along with my babies. If you have one child that runs away just try to focus on the one that stays next to you. When one of my twins sees me consoling their sibling that’s all it usually takes for them to want attention as well. Once I have everyone sitting on or near me we all huddle together and just breathe. There is really no point in talking to them yet. I am just trying to get everyone calm while giving them some much needed cuddles. I think sometimes this is more for me than it is for them, but it really helps us all. After we are relaxed and composed then I talk to them. The key is setting the stage so you can communicate with your babies. 2. Assess the Source of the Tantrum I notice that my children are more prone to tantrums if they are tired, schedules have changed, they’re hungry, or they are having a day when they need more attention than normal. My daughter is a creature of habit and she feels more secure when she knows what to expect in her day. If I mess with that plan and add in a hungry little girl, the result is an ear-splitting NO that is screamed at the top of her voice. If she still isn’t getting the attention she is demanding she will take it out on anyone who is closest to her. Unfortunately, that is usually her twin brother who has borne the brunt of her frustration by just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. If we have skipped a nap and we are tired, well you might as well stop whatever it is you’re trying to accomplish. It doesn’t matter if it’s a holiday, special occasion, or what have you, it simply will not happen if I have tired babies. Even changing a diaper will become an Olympic event in dexterity and patience. Try to figure out why your children are attempting to communicate with you, which is essentially what a toddler tantrum is at the core. Two year olds don’t have the communication capability to ask for help. It’s up to us to decipher the code. 3. Set yourself up for success There are days that I forget how the world must look to my children. If I wake up late and need to hurry to try to get to work and school on time I start to rush the morning routine. What my children see is mommy not being as available for snuggle time in bed as we start our day. Mommy is barking orders instead of singing the theme song to their favorite show. Suddenly my twins are exploding, refusing to get dressed, brush their teeth, or even eat. I lose my patience and look at the clock again to evaluate how my day will be affected by our delay. I have to remind myself how my toddlers are responding to the environment I made for them. We will run late, I will forget lunches, and I will forget that important document for the meeting I will be the last one to show up to. In an effort to circumvent those situations, I spend the last part of the evening prepping for my day ahead. A few minutes of effort on my part often leads to a higher likelihood of success for the next day. 4. Remember it’s temporary When my son is hitting his head on the floor or the wall and my daughter is melting down simultaneously these are the days I want to run away. Not really run away (ok maybe for a little bit) but there are moments where it can feel like too much for me to handle. Struggling with toddler behavior? Try gentle parenting. Check out our podcast on this very topic here! Occasionally the constant crying, shrieking, non-stop negotiations with the little people and toddler tantrums give me a headache. I know that’s probably a horrible thing to say out loud but it’s true. When I… Continue Reading 4 Tips for Coping With Twin Toddler Tantrums

The post 4 Tips for Coping With Twin Toddler Tantrums appeared first on Twiniversity #1 Parenting Twins Site.

The Challenge of Raising a Strong-Willed Child

Twiniversity — Thu, 02 May 2019 04:00:53 +0000

I should have known by the way twin A made her debut — ripping her placenta from my uterine wall and causing an emergency C-section on her older sister’s 4th birthday — that she would inevitably be a strong-willed child. This child gives new meaning to the phrase, “Though she be but little, she is fierce.” She is a mini-girl, topping the growth chart in the 15th percentile; petite but mighty in her convictions. Albeit, her convictions consist of refusing to eat anything but cheese, apple sauce pouches, and fruity pebbles, persistently crying for 45 minutes when told NO to anything, and using brute force (pushing, hitting, screaming) to get her point across. I’ve spent many hours feeling like I’m giving in to her and letting her have her way just to avoid the tantrum. Can I still raise a kind, compassionate, self-sufficient, non-bully by avoiding the hard part of raising this strong-willed child? I am not going to spend the rest of my daughter’s childhood giving in or giving up. So, my husband and I have had to take some new approaches to parenting this strong-willed little girl. Pick Your Battles You can’t win with this child. You need to be on your A game, ALL the time. What worked yesterday won’t necessarily work today. She is stubborn and I cannot convince her to do something she does not want to do. I don’t want to crush her spirit, but I also refuse to cave in every time we disagree. So I pick my battles. I will not let her eat sugary cereal for every meal, so this is one of the situations where I need to be prepared to endure the tantrum. She is insistent on getting in the car, climbing in her car seat and buckling herself in without help. Although most mornings we are in a hurry and it would be quite the time saver for me to do all these tasks, I choose not to fight her on this one. It makes our morning commute tolerable when we don’t have to listen to the crying. As the parent, it is up to you to decide where compromises are made. If it is important to you, then stay the course. Just understand that there will likely be lots of turbulence! Offer Choices A strong-willed child is more likely to comply when given a choice. I use this method more than any other! I use it for everyday choices and for discipline. Most meals I will offer her a fresh fruit/vegetable or a fruit/veggie purée pouch. She almost always takes the pouch (at least there is a trace of vegetables in there, right?). When misbehaving, she will be given a choice to either do what is asked of her or get a time out. Luckily she is two years old and this method works 75% of the time (as she gets older, I’m sure this will not be the case). Sometimes she chooses the time out over the other choice, and I have to be okay with it. This is the downside to this method: you need to be able to accept and/or enforce whatever choice she makes. Yelling Only Frustrates Me When asking my strong-willed daughter to do something she might find unpleasant, I must get down to her level, make eye contact, and talk to her in a calm voice. When her answer is “No,” my first instinct is to raise my voice. This results in one of two outcomes: she instantly cries and will continue to cry for 45 minutes, or she throws her arms out in front of her, palms open, fingers outstretched and yells back. If I try to interject, I’m immediately met with a yelling “SHHH” or “STOP IT”. No amount of yelling, begging or threatening will make a strong-willed child do what they don’t want to do. Have Patience, and When You Think You Have No More, Find Some! There will be times when you do everything right, and your strong-willed child will still be upset. Every day, I offer my daughter the option to be carried down the stairs for breakfast. Every day, she says, “No, I do it myself,” and every day I answer, “Okay,” and proceed down the stairs holding the hand of her twin brother. Every day, just as I reach the last step my strong-willed child will say, “Mommy, carry you.” I politely remind her that mommy offered to carry her, but she said no. Cue, first (and usually the worst) crying tantrum of the day! I struggle with this interaction every day. Is it a big deal for me to climb the stairs and pick her up? No. But, I already gave her what she wanted: to do it herself. I feel like this one is a necessary life lesson: you can’t have it both ways. Or shall I say, “You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.” Life is all about choices, some more crucial than others, but I want my kids to understand that depending on the choice they make there may be consequences. I’m hopeful that if they make a displeasing decision, they will learn from it! That is why I don’t appease her. In the meantime, I’m learning how much patience I actually have. Every morning, I’m gaining just a little bit more. They Get a Bad Rap Strong-willed children often get a bad rap. Others see your child throwing an epic tantrum in public and stereotype these kids into the “misbehaved” category. This is not the case. These children are individuals, natural born leaders, and world changers. No matter how much my daughter frustrates me and makes me question my mothering abilities, I wouldn’t change anything about her. For all the negativity these characteristics contain, they create just as much positive! She can’t be faulted for knowing what she wants and standing up for it. She is independent, she won’t let others push her around, and she’s… Continue Reading The Challenge of Raising a Strong-Willed Child

The post The Challenge of Raising a Strong-Willed Child appeared first on Twiniversity #1 Parenting Twins Site.

Can We Talk About Three-Year-Old Twins?

Twiniversity — Tue, 19 Feb 2019 04:00:54 +0000

Three-year-old twins are a challenge, to say the least. A mom of twins shares her struggles and triumphs throughout her twins’ third year. I remember hearing all about the “terrible twos” when people would talk about young children. Age two with twins definitely wasn’t easy, but, in my experience, age two was much more manageable than age three. No one warned me about three-year-old twins. My husband and I usually both try to attend our twin girls’ yearly check-ups with the doctor. For their age three wellness check, I had to work late, so I planned to meet my husband at the doctor’s office. When I arrived, he had already taken the girls into their appointment. One of the nurses took me back to meet them. This is three-year-old twins I remember how my girls looked when I walked in the door. They were wearing purple cloth medical gowns, their hair was in pigtails, jumping and dancing around on the floor as the doctor was speaking to my husband. The doctor looked up at me when I came in. “This,” she said, gesturing to my smiling, jumping toddlers, “is age three. This is what three looks like.” My twin girls are seven now, and age three has been by far the most difficult age. I want to give a heads up to other twin moms that while age three might feel like the hardest things have ever been, you all WILL get through it. These are some of the reasons why age three was difficult. Potty training three-year-old twins Before I was a parent, I just assumed that children potty trained at some point during age two. I never imagined that three-year-old twins might still need diapers. Little did I know that my kids would be three-and-a-half before they were using the potty regularly during the day, and it was even longer before they didn’t need to wear Pull-Ups at night. When they were age two, I started having my girls sit on the potty throughout the day. One of my daughters pooped in the potty once, and then was terrified to do it again for more than a year. My other daughter didn’t feel comfortable going in the potty. She would sit on it and “try,” but for whatever reason, she would not pee or poop in the potty. By the time they were three-and-a-half, I’d had just about all I could take of the poopy diapers. Pure exhaustion My three-year-old twins stopped wanting to go to bed at night. We had some bedtime difficulty throughout age two, and then when they turned three, it only seemed to ramp up. We gave up trying to get them to bed by 7:00 or 7:30 and started trying for 8:00. Whatever time we started didn’t seem to make a difference. Our three-year-old twins never went to sleep easily. They would cry and get out of bed repeatedly. Every night they would call for us to come in and would tell us they had poopy diapers. Whatever the reason, bedtime would last from 8:00 until 9:00 or sometimes even 10 before they would finally fall asleep. While this might be frustrating on its own, my husband and I are both high school teachers, and we desperately needed time in the evening to grade schoolwork and plan lessons for the next day. Each minute of delayed bedtime cut into our work time. This cut into our sleep time, which resulted in a lot of crankiness and frustration for everyone. Tantrums They didn’t happen all the time, but I think most of my children’s tantrums happened during age three. This is an interesting time because children are learning the words they need to verbalize their emotions, but sometimes the emotions come on so strongly that the only way they can be expressed is physically through sounds and motions. One of my daughters would almost lose control of her body. If I was holding her and she got upset, she would suddenly tip backward, as though she had lost the ability to hold herself up. Fortunately, after the first time, when it surprised and terrified my husband and me, we learned to expect it and could support her back before she ended up upside-down. The fighting with three-year-old twins Age three is also the first time my twins really started fighting about toys, having to take turns, and who got to do what first. Before this, they were just too little to notice or to think much about who took the first bath or who sat next to Mom during church. At some point with three-year-old twins, they both became very aware, and they were also convinced that the other twin was always receiving preferential treatment. Unfortunately, it’s incredibly difficult to rationalize things to three-year-old twins. The turning point I didn’t write this just to make all of you parents of young twins fear what’s on the horizon with three-year-old twins. I want to give you hope if you find yourself dealing with any of these difficult situations. They DID learn to use the potty Right around age three-and-a-half, long after part of me felt like it would NEVER happen, my daughters started using the potty. The first one did, and then very soon the other one did. Maybe because they were so late when they finally started, they had hardly any accidents once they began using the potty. A few months later they started asking to wear panties at night instead of their Pull-Ups. And again, we had very few night time accidents. Suddenly we weren’t buying Pull-Ups anymore. Nighttime got better Shortly after my twins turned four, they stopped taking their afternoon nap. They would still lie down at daycare during the week, but they didn’t always fall asleep. On weekends we could hardly get them to lie down at all. While part of me was sad to lose nap time, the positive side was that they finally started going to bed at… Continue Reading Can We Talk About Three-Year-Old Twins?

The post Can We Talk About Three-Year-Old Twins? appeared first on Twiniversity #1 Parenting Twins Site.

Helping Your Twins with Irrational Fears

Twiniversity — Thu, 27 Sep 2018 04:00:49 +0000

Sometimes I wish my adventurous twosome would have more fear of injuries and strangers. Just the other night I walked into the hallway to see MJ using a tall kitchen stool in an attempt to get over the baby gate. Luckily, she was caught in time and didn’t learn the hard way that she is by no means graceful enough to get over the baby gate unscathed. Of course, there are times when I feel like a helicopter mom at the park because Z doesn’t realize that down-climbing the rock wall from the top of the jungle gym is not a three-year-old skill, especially for the twin who regularly walks into walls. I don’t want to instill fear into my girls; I want cautiously brave girls that will try things little by little until they build up their skills (which of course isn’t developmentally appropriate for a toddler, but a mom can wish right?!) Naturally, my worries and overprotection fade away when my girls have irrational fears, and I am often baffled by the fear because I just cannot see anything to fear on my own. Like the shadows on the wall that only seem scary after the Berenstain Bears book where Sister is afraid of shadows. Then there was the phase of flies leading to meltdowns. (Have you spent a summer in rural New England? You might as well stay locked inside for six months if you are afraid of flies. This was a consideration for a while!) And don’t get me started on ticks; the rational fear would lead a grown up to avoid tick-infested grasses and woods, but the irrational toddler fear leads little girls to fight and bawl when a tick is removed. Practice some deep breathing and repeat this mantra, “It’s only a phase, all kids go through phases.” Then equip yourself with a few tools that have helped our family survive a variety of fears from bugs to blankets to friendly strangers to fluffy dogs to mascots to haircuts. Helping Your Twins with Irrational Fears Create a Mantra for the Fear We worked with both girls to repeat, “I’m brave. I don’t like bugs, but I can deal with them.” This does some great things for self-confidence by repeating the positive character traits. At the same time, it acknowledges their fear and gives the child something to do or say other than the natural reaction of crying. Fake It Until You Make It I am not a fan of spiders, so it was very evident that when I screamed before killing a spider in our house, and then my girls cried every time they saw a spider for the next month, that I had made a mistake. I needed to repair that perception and learn to hide my own dislikes/fears. I did much better when tick season came around. My girls would hear my bubbly voice say, “Bug check! We need to make sure we aren’t taking any ticks or bugs in the house!” When in my head I was saying, “Please, please, please don’t let me find any ticks! I can’t handle Lyme disease! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!” This helped us go from MJ flailing and bawling to the point where it took two adults to remove the tick from her bellybutton, to MJ willingly spinning around while I discreetly remove any ticks before they attached. At this point, I do believe we have successfully moved into the realm of the parents having the hidden fear of ticks that is far greater than the children’s fear of ticks. But the girls do know to be cautious of tick-infested areas because a long “bug check” can interfere with play time. Preview Books and Shows Sometimes the books and TV shows that are intended to help give children the tools to overcome their fears are actually the sources of a new fear. Often my girls will imitate Daniel Tiger after watching him being scared of shadows just to hear me sing, “See what it is, you might feel better!” So look ahead and decide if their favorite book or TV character is experiencing a fear you don’t wish to create, then keep this out of sight for the time being. The tools and techniques to overcome the fear may be useful at a later time, but there is no need to teach your child how to overcome a fear that they didn’t realize could be a fear until the lesson. On the other hand, educational books can help children to understand and become comfortable with their fears. Diary of a Worm and Buzz Boy and Fly Guy books helped my girls see bugs as a character they enjoyed, which helped with seeing bugs outside. If the irrational fear is painted in a positive light, this will give you the opportunity to have good conversations with your children about how to handle the fear, and teaching different perspectives is always a positive thing with children. Big Kids Role Modeling For our epic fly fear last summer I tried to role model good behavior and a calm attitude around flies, but I got minimal results. I tried pointing out how well the girls’ peers were doing and we all sang “Shoo Fly”, which slowed the hysterical crying. But the golden ticket for my girls was finding big kids that my girls really looked up to for role modeling. Some of our good friends stayed the night with us and their children were all 4-8 years older than my girls. Just one evening of pointing out how calm they were with the flies, and them saying flies don’t bother them, was all we needed to go from nearly hyperventilating when a fly was in the house to brushing away flies to continue playing. Remember to Differentiate Take advantage of the fact the irrational fears are an individual struggle most of the time. Be careful not to project the fear onto both twins and cause double the headache when… Continue Reading Helping Your Twins with Irrational Fears

The post Helping Your Twins with Irrational Fears appeared first on Twiniversity #1 Parenting Twins Site.

How Do I Deal With Twins Who Destroy Everything?

Twiniversity — Mon, 18 Jun 2018 05:00:12 +0000

A MoM recently asked: Do your twins destroy everything in the house? Or is it just my twinados? My newly renovated kitchen looks like a meth lab now. How do other MoMs deal with it? Here’s what our Twiniversity fans had to say: When leaving on vacation we decided to leave the house as is. If a burglar had come to our house, the would think they were too late. It always looks ransacked! ∼ JRK Complete and total destruction. Had to stage our house when selling it and we kept every room closed off and left the house all day every day pretty much. It’s the only way to keep the house clean. ∼ JK My twins needed LOTS of outside time to run around, climb, dig, play so they wouldn’t destroy everything in the house. When they start getting rowdy inside, OUT we would go. We went on a lot of walks, trips to the park, etc. Teach them to pick up what they are finished playing with. They don’t come knowing the rules of life, they need to be taught. If they are playing with trucks and want to play with the play kitchen, they need to put the truck away. ∼ NL I couldn’t deal with them destroying everything, so I blocked off the kitchen and keep all other doors closed. Chaos is minimized this way. ∼ EB Yes, I call one of mine a living Texas tornado! One just likes to pull everything out, the other just straight like to destroy everything she touches. They’re 16 months old! ∼ CV No. Very seldom do they destroy everything. They are 4 and have known from early on that you can only have out a few different toys at once when you want to move on you put up some first. They play and have fun, I just can’t function in chaos. ∼ RMW We made all the Tupperware in the kitchen the sacrificial lamb. The kids tear through it, but much of the rest of the kitchen is left untouched. ∼ WB Yes. We have resorted to moving most toys into the basement so they do not destroy everything in the house. They can only have a few toys upstairs, then we go toy shopping in the basement. But they have to exchange the toys they have upstairs. This is the only way I stay sane. We also have a toy pick up time at the end of the day and the few toys that are in our main living area are confined to the family room. As are our 2-year-old twins. Fencing them in helps too. Then the destruction is limited to one room! ∼ KC I was a complete neat-freak before my twins. I swore I would never be that mom who let their kids have crap everywhere but you learn really quickly that what you planned to be isn’t always the way they turn out to be. ∼ DP My twins destroy everything all day long! They turn 2 this month. I run around after them all day cleaning up messes and spills and trying to keep them from breaking stuff. ∼ KB We called mine were team demolition. They finally stopped being insane destructive around 3-4 years old. ∼ KH Our twins can take down an entire house in less than 20 mins and they are only 14 months. ∼ SA Utter mass destruction in every room in my house. ∼ KBM Mine aren’t nicknamed Hurricane & Tornado for nothing. ∼ JSF I should have had furniture covers on our baby registry! ∼ RM It’s non-stop complete seek and destroy! I always think my house looks like a crack house, stuff everywhere. Then I get anxious until it’s clean. ∼ RJ Yes, I will clean one room and go to move to another and that clean room is no longer. It’s a never-ending battle. ∼ LD Yes. We call our boys terrorists! ∼ JL You are not alone. They have no bedroom furniture. They sleep on twin mattresses on the floor (no other furniture in their room). And all of the non-essentials are in bins. You are not alone! ∼ AS From the moment they wake, until they’re in bed they love to destroy everything. ∼ MD I’m waiting for my house to be condemned. ∼ KM Thank God I’m not the only one! ∼ JFC Our twins names are Tim and Tom, otherwise known as TNT! ∼ TP My twins are 4 years old and there is no stopping them. The house constantly looks like it’s been ransacked by robbers. ∼ SK It is not just you, I refer to mine as the twin tornadoes of terror. I have twin 3 yr old boys that can definitely join this list! You’re definitely NOT alone with this one! ∼ AO All day, every day they destroy everything. The struggle is REAL! ∼ VM It’s a never-ending story with my twins and how they destroy everything in the house. ∼ GVO Related Articles

The post How Do I Deal With Twins Who Destroy Everything? appeared first on Twiniversity #1 Parenting Twins Site.

How Can I Deal With My Twins Throwing EVERYTHING?

Twiniversity — Tue, 29 May 2018 05:00:04 +0000

A MoM recently asked: Please help me! My almost 2-year-old twins throw EVERYTHING! They throw things in the pool, out of the bathtub, out of the car/stroller/wagon – you name it. The biggest problem is throwing food at every meal. They dump their plates out on the floor, throw food on the floor they don’t want, etc. If one twin does it, so does the other one, and they’re quick as lightning! Has anyone else dealt with this? HOW did you deal with it? I feel like I’ve tried everything! Any advice would be appreciated! Here’s what our Twiniversity fans had to say: – My twins definitely follow each other! If one behaves badly, the other one does it because he thinks it’s hilarious. They just turned 2, and mealtimes are sometimes frustrating. The minute they start throwing forks or food on the floor, we take their food away. They usually cry to get it back, so we give it back to them and tell them if they do it one more time, they’re done for good. Sometimes they’ll finish eating nicely, and other times they’ll do it again because they think it’s funny. They now know the consequences. It still happens, but they know we’re being serious. Try telling them that they’re done–whether it’s playing with a toy, emptying the bathtub, finishing a meal, etc. They’re old enough that they will understand the consequences. ∼ AM – I would offer less food on the plate or tray in front of them. Let them ask for more. Then hopefully they will eat what’s offered and you will have less waste to throw on the floor. Children that age love to experiment with gravity. Help them make paper airplanes and let them throw those instead. Offering a safe option for them to experiment with helps brain development and is fun for them and mama! It’s totally the age and more than trying to annoy you. ∼ MBA – “Stop throwing” was a common phrase in our home for about three years. For dinner, I always said you don’t have to eat it, but you cannot throw it. It needs to stay on your plate. If they throw food, either take the plate away or remove them from the table. It may take a long time. Face them away from each other so they cannot see what the other is doing. ∼ TGG – One thing I did with mine when it came to throwing food was put them in highchair “time out” (a.k.a. as soon as they threw food I turned the high chair around facing the wall so they couldn’t see me or their twin and they were in isolation.) It is definitely an attention thing with twins! ∼ DKL – Mine started throwing their water cups on the floor. After every single sip. I showed my daughter how to “hand it to mommy.” I said those words over and over as soon as she finished taking her drink and she caught on quickly. When she would hand it to me, I would give lots of praise and high fives. My son quickly caught on so he could get the high fives too. Now, if I’m not paying attention, they get my attention so they can give their cups back to mommy. ∼ BH – This was such a nightmare with our twin boys. Around 18-20 months, things got very bad around mealtime. I dreaded putting their plates down. I researched and tried many approaches. What worked best for us was putting very little amounts on their plates. When someone threw anything to the ground, they were made to get out of their chair and pick it up. It really did help SOME. I honestly think in time they just grew out of it. This will pass! ∼ JSH – I don’t know the answer but maybe an EZPZ Happy Mat will help keep them fin on throwing plates at meal times? It suctions to the table or high chair! So they will just throw food I guess instead of the whole plate! ∼ ELD – My twins would have their meal taken away if they were throwing their food. After they calmed down we would try again. Toys thrown go in time out for the rest of the day. If they are both in time out, they’re put in separate locations to avoid playing. As a twin parent, you have to nip it in the bud quickly, because monkey see monkey do is very real in our lives. ∼ LB – My two have done this. What I’ve done is put less food on their plate and when they throw it I take everything away, wash them up and make them sit on the couch. For about 5 minutes they will then go play and then decide they’re hungry again. I place them at the table give them their plate with less food again and explain if you throw it again back to time out in a serious voice, then ask if they agree and usually that works. Now I just explain it first and they agree. We now have fewer issues. ∼ JA – This sounds just like my 2-year-olds. It’s frustrating. They’ve slowed down once I’ve started ignoring it and not reacting strongly. Sometimes they do it for the reaction. Also, I take things away; like the toy “lamby” who went to church with us on Easter Sunday. Once it went “flying” at a woman who was in line for communion, it was gone! ∼ CS – Stay calm. If they know that throwing things will trigger you they will keep doing it just to watch the reaction. Tell them calmly, “I don’t want you to throw things.” ∼ MM – That would be a discipline issue as I feel 2 is old enough to understand when you are doing something wrong, that you have clearly been told not to do. If it’s a toy they have I would take it… Continue Reading How Can I Deal With My Twins Throwing EVERYTHING?

The post How Can I Deal With My Twins Throwing EVERYTHING? appeared first on Twiniversity #1 Parenting Twins Site.

5 Tips to Teach Your Twins To Harness Self-Control

Twiniversity — Wed, 24 Jan 2018 05:00:49 +0000

Twins can often feel like survival of the fittest, and many days my twins seem to be the ones taking a victory lap. The other day, when I stole a moment for myself and was scrolling Instagram, I laughed at a meme that said, “Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmed down by being told to calm down.” I laughed, but then I realized this is exactly what I was doing when my twins lost all control. Thankfully, one of my twinadoes is in early intervention so I have lots of professionals to seek advice from. Here are the five best tips I learned to teach your twins to harness self-control. 1. Speak Softly My gut reaction when the twins get frustrated and have outbursts is usually to respond in the same. They’re frustrated, I’m frustrated, and we all end up in tears wondering why we can’t have nice things. Enter some sage advice: speak softly. Have you ever seen those magical preschool teachers that just whisper to a classroom full of insane toddlers and they all calm down and gather round to hear what the teacher is saying? I don’t understand it either, it’s like the Pied Piper came and drugged my children. But for some reason, in moments of chaos, the one person who remains calm and speaks softly can reason with the most irrational terrorist, or toddler. So I try. When my twins throw their food because they wanted string cheese NOT shredded cheese, I try to take a deep breath, hold in my feelings and calmly explain to them that it’s “not nice” to throw things. 2. Get On Their Level Remember that childhood bully who seemed to tower over you on the snow pile when playing king of the mountain? Terrifying. I still shudder at the thought of being rolled down the snowy mountain. But think about it, we look like giants to our toddlers and when they are upset it doesn’t help to get equally as frustrated and look down on them. Simply kneeling down and getting at their eye level neutralizes the playing field and gives your toddler a chance to express themselves in that moment, without judgement. (Just watch where you are kneeling or you may end up with applesauce or berries all over your pants.) 3. Have Them Use Their Words One of the biggest causes for frustration between 1-3 years old is the lack of ability to properly put into words what they are feeling. Often a tantrum can be prevented through verbal communication, but when you only know a handful of words, if any, screaming and hitting are an easier way of getting the point across. This takes time, especially with twins who can experience greater language delays than singleton children. My only advice here, and this is something we try do on a daily basis in our house, is to remain consistent. Every time a twin has an outburst, calmly tell them to use their words. We give them options like, “no,” “stop it” or “not nice” depending on the circumstance. We then follow up with what the appropriate behavior is and try to praise them when we catch them responding appropriately. 4. Give Them Space This has been huge in our house. Our child’s early interventionist noticed that when one of our little ones would lose control and couldn’t reign it in, we simply had to give her space to process her emotions and calm down. That meant a couple minutes in the crib to have a good cry and release that frustration would do us all good, over trying to create a teachable moment. I’m not saying every time your kid pitches a fit to “crib them” or to leave them in there for an extended period of time, but when a situation appears to be out of control, it’s okay to give them space to be upset and calm down. Sometimes that is all it takes, especially for a twin who is never alone, to harness self-control. 5. You’re Not Alone One of the most encouraging things our daughter’s physical therapist said is that tantrums and outbursts are developmentally normal at this age, and to be expected. Yes, you wont see them on Instagram or Facebook, where every other toddler looks angelic and happy and calm, but believe me, we all go through it and it’s normal. Of course you want to help guide your children and teach them how to process their emotions in a healthy way, but give yourself some grace. Imagine if you were trying to figure out how to use language for the first time and navigate the world on your own- you’d be frustrated too. And because you have two (or more) children experiencing this developmental period at the same time it can feel really intense. Just know that you are doing the best you can and you’re going to lose your cool sometimes and you’re going to get frustrated and you may cry in the bathroom; but, one day soon you will be able to venture out in public without fear that your kids may melt down at the store because they have to wear shoes. And that my friend, is worth looking forward to. Related Articles

The post 5 Tips to Teach Your Twins To Harness Self-Control appeared first on Twiniversity #1 Parenting Twins Site.