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How To Get The Most Out Of Vacationing With Your Twins

Twiniversity — Fri, 06 May 2016 04:00:45 +0000

I love family vacations! Are they challenging and a bit stressful with twins (of any age) in tow? Sure. Does it sometimes feel that all of the planning, organization and travel required is too much? You bet. Is your escape more likely to include Mickey Mouse or thrill rides, than relaxation and exotic locales? Yep, no doubt. Is it worth it, to have the chance to press pause on your crazy, hectic schedule and enjoy being with your family? Absolutely! Two full-time working parents + two active kiddos + school and life obligations = very busy weeks and limited family time at our house. It can feel like “vacation” on those rare days when we are not scrambling to make it to soccer practice after a work meeting runs long, or trying to create dinner from the bare pantry after the late school play performance. So, if you want to attempt a “stay-cation” – go for it! It is definitely more affordable, probably a whole lot easier and you definitely don’t need these tips. If you are anything like me, though, you need to truly get away to not hear the laundry calling your name, or the ding of an email that surely needs immediate attention. We have been fortunate to have a family vacation pretty much every year since the twins were born. Some years that vacation was a long weekend made possible by extended family living in pretty great cities. Others, we planned and saved for throughout the entire year. No matter the destination, or age of the kids, though, every trip we have taken has been a wonderful opportunity to reconnect as a family, to build fantastic memories, and to have a whole lot of fun. So, although I’m definitely no expert, I thought I’d share from our experience some answers to travel questions you may have. Where Should We Go? Ages 0-3 – The best vacation we took when the kids were in this age range was very low-key. We went to the beach, with no agenda, no points of interest that had to be seen, and no real plan other than introducing the kids to sun, sand and water. We were able to maintain our nap and bedtime schedule, dine out with the early birds (and get the specials too), and laze the days away building sandcastles and “swimming” all together. Ages 3- 5 – At this age, the kids were able to handle a little more activity – but still weren’t up for a jam-packed day. We visited Walt Disney World when the kids were five, but it wasn’t our best trip during this age range. The days were too long, the kiddos were too tired, and the parents were too stressed! The vacation I remember most fondly was the one we took to a nearby city when the twins were four. We spent our days exploring a national park, visiting an aquarium, and playing board games in the cabin. It was a great mix of good old fashioned family time, and experiencing things we couldn’t at home! School Age – We just returned from another attempt at Disney World. The kids are now 7 (almost 8), and it was fabulous! They were finally tall enough for pretty much everything, waiting in lines didn’t phase them, and they even handled 8:00 dinner reservations with aplomb. Plus, they preferred thrill rides and fireworks shows to seeking out their favorite characters and watching parades – much better for this mom and dad. What Should We Bring? Ages 0-3 –I know families who swear by flying to destinations when children are young and the tickets are cheap (or free). This seems daunting to me when it seems like you practically need to pack your whole house for a trip with young children, but they assure me that pretty much anything you need is usually available wherever you are going. Nevertheless, for car trips, and less well-equipped places to stay, we were always sure to pack our travel high chairs, a pack and play for naps and sleeping, extra outfits and pajamas, lots of snacks, and a grab bag of cheap toys and activities for when the whining and boredom kicks in. We rarely used the toys, bouncers, or even stroller that we wedged in the vehicle, and seemed to always want for things like extra towels, sunscreen and favorite sippy cups instead. Ages 3- 5 – One of the most difficult aspects of our vacations is managing the amount of times we stop while en-route. Someone is always hungry, or has to use the bathroom, or just can’t get over not being allowed to spend hours in the fast food play area. Favorite snacks, special treats (for us it is a new movie on the portable dvd player), and an introduction to easy road trip games (categories has long been a favorite for my two) only go so far – and then you need to rely on the most important thing you will “pack.” Patience, lots and lots of patience. School Age – Traveling by car becomes relatively easy when your children are older (thankfully, since flights for four or more can be outrageous). On our last trip we were in the car for literally hours before even one mention of a need for a break, or inquiry about how much longer the trip would be. We let them create their own little “nest” – complete with comfy blankets, soft pillows, a good book, and yes, usually an electronic device that is severely limited at home, but can be used until the battery is dead when on the road. Anything they bring, though – they are responsible for keeping up with, carrying to and from the room, and charging for the return leg of the trip. The kids actually look forward to the drive now – they relish the chance to finish Harry Potter and remember how to play Minecraft. We pack so light these days (jeans can be reworn, flip flops go with anything, pajamas and t-shirts are one and the same) that… Continue Reading How To Get The Most Out Of Vacationing With Your Twins

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The 5 Dollar Plan for Kids Chores

Twiniversity — Fri, 25 Sep 2015 05:00:18 +0000

Six years old. That’s when I decided that everything would change. Rooms would be kept clean, the table would be set and cleared at mealtimes, and dirty clothes would finally make it into the hamper. Age six is when my husband and I decided that chores would be mandatory. We debated the merits of rewards and sticker charts, and recalled our own upbringings that taught us that you aren’t paid for things that you are expected to do simply as a member of the household. We ultimately decided, though, that the lesson of responsibility, and the help around the house, would be worth a weekly allowance for each of our twins. We promptly created a chore chart, sat the kids down to explain the new house rules, and eagerly anticipated a cleaner home, and less work for mom and dad! What actually happened was not much work on the part of the six year olds, more nagging and exasperation from us parents, and an allowance that became almost mythical. I would get so annoyed at having to ask, again, for clothes to be picked up off the bathroom floor or Pokemon cards to be put away, that I would declare allowance lost to both of them for the remainder of the week. Since consistency is key (haha), that was how it worked pretty much every week. It got to the point that neither kid really believed that they would get an allowance, and I stopped even trying to get them to follow the chart and just resorted back to yelling and doling out consequences. Fast forward a few months and we were still in the same pattern, only worse. When asked to do something, my daughter would complain that she had done it the last three times and my son not once. We were constantly looking for something – cleats, homework, soccer socks, library books – all lost in the mess of their rooms and playroom, despite each having a specific place where both kids knew they should be. The final straw was probably the ants. One morning I was frantically searching for my son’s baseball jersey (the only one) to throw it in the wash for picture day later that afternoon. I had looked in all of the usual spots – those being anywhere he decided to take it off once arriving home or in the bathroom right outside of the tub. A whole army of ants invaded my son’s room to feast on the half eaten banana that he left on the floor of the closet. I am not proud of the meltdown that I had when I saw that banana. That’s what it took, though, to finally get to the solution that, so far, is working great. After ridding the closet and shoes of ants (and forcing my son to use his birthday and saved money on ant traps) we sat down with the kids and had a discussion about our expectations, why chores and their help doing them is important, and what incentives and rewards might work best. From that conversation the $5 plan was born! It is a relatively simple method (albeit expensive, once they start to get the hang of it), that helps curb behaviors just as much as it helps with chores! The plan works like this at our house but can definitely be tweaked. Each child is given $5 on Monday of the week. This could be changed to 5 quarters, or even 5 stickers, but the point is that they get something tangible at the beginning of the week, no work required. The catch is, though, that they can be forced to give the money back at any point throughout the week. We use it for our big triggers, but it can really be applied to most anything. At our house, I used to say “put on your shoes,” or “brush your teeth” at least 10 times every morning. Now, if I have to say it twice – the child who needed it repeated has to give me a $1 from their $5 weekly allowance. Same goes for wrappers or trash left wherever they want, as if they don’t know trash cans exist, or for clothes that aren’t put into the hampers conveniently located in their rooms and bathroom. I also take away $1 if I ask them to do something and they whine or complain, and if there are toys, bikes, and balls left in the driveway. If they try to argue about giving me the $1, then it is $2. Right now, this is helping more with behavior than actual chore completion, but we had a long way to go! At first the kids barely made it to Wednesday with money left, and I feared that we would be in the same boat as we were before. It seemed to have more of an impact, though, for them to have to give back something they already had, and they remembered their transgressions more often when they were about to repeat them, than they had previously. It took a couple of months for them to end the week with $5, and even longer for them to both have $5 left in the same week. I had to learn when to give a warning, how strict to be, and honestly, to let it go sometimes, too (hey, I admit to ordering pizza instead of cooking dinner on occasion, and maybe even leaving clothes in the laundry basket longer than I should). The kids, I think, are learning that it is easier (and more rewarding) just to do something when asked rather than drag it out and whine and get in trouble only to have to still do whatever is expected later. They are getting into new habits of putting clothes away, knowing where their shoes are, and whining less. They are trying to keep their money instead of working to earn something they are not sure they would ever even get anyway, and… Continue Reading The 5 Dollar Plan for Kids Chores

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The Sleep Stages of Twins

Twiniversity — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 05:00:39 +0000

Last night I quietly snuck into the room of my sleeping twins (who still share bunk beds, even though they have their own rooms) and did as I do every night – I removed the blanket covering my son’s head, gently maneuvered my daughter’s leg from between the bed rail, and whispered my love and goodnight wishes to each of them in hopes that even in their dreams they know just how much they are cherished. As I marveled at the way they sleep with complete abandon, and acknowledged the remarkable blessing of enjoying another incredible day with them, I also began to recall the inordinate amount of time I have spent thinking about, begging for, worrying about, and watching my twins sleep! Stage 1 Are they okay? Are they supposed to sleep so much? Maybe I should just give them a little nudge and make sure they are breathing? Why did I let my mother talk me out of the video monitor? I should probably just sleep in the nursery with them – just in case… Stage 2 Why won’t you sleep? Am I ever going to sleep again? Is the swaddle tight enough? Maybe the sound machine isn’t loud enough? Is it opposite day – why did that “sleepy time” bath stuff seem to energize them? Maybe I should put them in separate rooms… Stage 3 Is that the sun – did they sleep ALL night? Are they hungry, thirsty, sick? Will this last? I feel so rested. This better not mean the end of naps! Stage 4 Are they too old for cribs? How will I get them to stay in bed? Can I keep them in pull-ups forever? Surely they are exhausted enough to go right to sleep tonight! I probably need to move them to toddler beds, or maybe I should go straight to “big kid” beds? How else can I say “get back in bed”? Even I am tired of hearing that! Stage 5 Will he remember to look at the clock and NOT get out of bed until at least 6:00 am? Good thing I set that clock behind, if so! How did this nighttime routine get so long? They don’t get that dirty. Baths every other night should suffice. Yes, I do want you to get along and talking for a little bit is fine, but now you have to GO TO SLEEP! Stage 6 One book, then it is lights out! I believe you – this time is the absolute last time you won’t sleep in your own room… until tomorrow night, I’m sure. Am I going to have to wake them up for school – why are they sleeping so late? Is it bedtime already? We just got home! Gosh, why are there such big kids sleeping in my “babies” beds? Stage 7, 8, 9, 10… I can only imagine what is ahead, but I do know that it will be different. Before I know it, their “bedtime” will be well after mine and me watching them sleep will be just plain creepy (or maybe creepier?) As hard as it is to believe, there are things that I miss about every stage we have been through. I miss snuggly little newborns, tickle fests after the bath, middle of the night check-ins that didn’t involve sickness, and early morning cartoons. I know that one day, probably soon, I will look in on the kiddos as usual and see my son finishing up homework due the next day, or my daughter painting her toenails at “only” 10:00 pm. I know too, though, that on those nights, just like all of those before it – I will wish for them many sweet dreams, whenever they may come. Shellie Fossick is “mom” to 5 year old boy/girl twins who started Kindergarten this year! She is also the Development Director for a non-profit organization that provides high quality early care and education for more than 400 low-income children in Middle Tennessee. She lives in Nashville, TN with her husband and two children. To read more of Shellie’s Twiniversity articles, click here. Related Articles The Things We Do to Get Twins to Sleep My Kids Won’t Sleep! When Twins = Nightly Slumber Party A Sleep Consultant Talks Twins

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My Twin Parent “Bucket List”

Twiniversity — Thu, 18 Jun 2015 05:00:09 +0000

When I daydream about my “bucket list,” I am quickly discouraged when I realize that I am a long, long way from checking off things like a trip to the Australian Open or whale watching in Alaska. It is certainly inspiring to imagine that I will have lived grand adventures and enjoyed awesome achievements by the time I “kick the bucket,” and I don’t plan on letting go of those ultimate goals. Right now, though, “scattered and overwhelmed and financially stressed” are more often how I feel than the “inspired and ambitious and flush with cash” that I would need to be to check-off traditional bucket list goals. However, I crave that same sense of accomplishment now, darn it! Not years from now (hopefully, fingers crossed, please, oh please)! So, I thought I would share my more realistic, mid-life, “mom of twins” COMPLETED bucket list. A bullet on this list may not be as exciting as hang gliding in Tahiti, but at one time these things seemed just as unattainable! Master “the swaddle” and enjoy the sound of two babies sleeping at the same time in the same room. Answer the question of whether my boy/girl twins are identical with kindness and no sarcasm. Feed both babies at the same time, with no tears or screams from anyone (including me). Leave the house with no diaper bag and return home hours later with no accidents! Do the grocery shopping for a full week with the twins in tow with no meltdowns and no prematurely opened snacks. Read a book with both children, letting them each sound out every word on every page. Get in the car and buckle up, and my twins do the same BY THEMSELVES! Ask the kids to take a shower, brush their teeth, and put on their pajamas – and it actually happen with no nagging or “hand-holding.” As sad as it sometimes makes me that my babies are turning in to “big kids,” I love that I can look back on five years of lots of struggle but also A LOT of successes! What do you recall about the early twin parenting days and not believe that you made it through? What are you proud of or what makes you ridiculously happy that non-parents might think is silly? Are you struggling with something and need reassurance that it will one day be “checked-off?” What’s on your “parenting bucket list?” Shellie Fossick is “mom” to 5 year old boy/girl twins who started Kindergarten this year! She is also the Development Director for a non-profit organization that provides high quality early care and education for more than 400 low-income children in Middle Tennessee. She lives in Nashville, TN with her husband and two children. To read more of Shellie’s Twiniversity articles, click here. Related Articles A Twin Mom’s Advice for New Parents of Multiples Dear Parents of Young Multiples, From Those of Us Who Have Been There Dear Hopeful, Pregnant Kayla: From Your Older, Wiser Self

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When One Twin Becomes Skeptical About Santa

Twiniversity — Thu, 11 Dec 2014 05:00:25 +0000

Last December my husband and I decided to “adopt” a family in need for Christmas to provide household necessities for the family and gifts for the children. We selected a family with four children including twins, just one year younger than our 5-year-olds, and hoped that it would be a learning experience for our kids – teaching them to give back and be grateful for all that they have. We went shopping as a family and before arriving at the store we explained to our children that we would not be getting anything for them or ourselves – that we were buying things for another family who needed some help. We gave them the task of helping us pick out toys and gifts that they knew other kids would love. As we walked along the aisles piling things like toilet paper, diapers, and baby wipes into our shopping cart, I was delighted that the expedition, as hoped, prompted conversation about the expense of some things that we take for granted and how some families need a little help in order to have enough food to eat and warm clothes to wear. The kids understood and even had to be tempered in their excitement to fill up the cart. Once I convinced my son that we already had all of the socks and underwear the family would need, we began to make our way to the toy section. My son, however, stopped abruptly and said, “Mom, we can get more of that other stuff because Santa will bring them toys.” I caught my husband’s eye and saw that he agreed that there was no harm in prolonging the “magic,” and then looked at my son and said, “You know what, you are right – no need for toys!” Both of my kids got a good laugh over how silly we were to “forget” about Santa, but I knew that the questions and skepticism were around the corner. Sure enough, shortly after that we began to see “Santa Claus” everywhere, had discussions about friends who do not celebrate Christmas or who don’t get visits from Santa, and had to give explanations about that and the doubts that pesky kids with older siblings planted in their heads. My fairy, mermaid, unicorn, princess loving daughter didn’t seem to have any problems believing that Jolly Old Saint Nick lives in the North Pole and delivers gifts Christmas Eve, but my son’s every question seemed to lead to another question. My son is super inquisitive and began to notice and quiz us about some inconsistencies and impossibilities where Santa Claus was concerned. He also, unfortunately, seemed to be influencing our daughter who is still on blissfully good behavior during the holiday season because “Santa is always watching.” My husband and I decided to be honest about the mall Santa and Elf on the Shelf nonsense (thank goodness we could stop that charade) with both of them, and deliberately vague on all the rest. My husband and I also tried to get on the same page in regards to all things Christmas/Santa Claus. On my side of the family, Santa leaves gifts unwrapped and they magically appear on Christmas morning beside gifts already under the tree from family. On my husband’s side of the family, Santa wraps every single gift with paper that is left out beside the milk and cookies (and apparently carrots?) and nothing is under the tree until Santa arrives. Step 1 was to agree on what our Christmas Eve and morning would look like (verdict: carrots for the reindeer, wrapped unless super big, parents give a couple of things in addition to Santa) and Step 2 was to decide how we answer the myriad questions from two little ones on the cusp of not believing. Last year we watched The Polar Express right before Christmas, and the message of the movie combined with my children’s deep desire to want to believe, resulted in two children who were ecstatic Christmas morning and in awe of Santa. I really hope that this year turns out the same way, but I worry that it was the last year that my son will be more believer than skeptic. To me, children questioning the existence of Santa is one of the sadder turning points in parenting. I like creating magic for my kids. I love the childhood innocence and imagination that makes Santa possible. Without Santa, the greed and commercialism can be overwhelming and there is seemingly less joy in both the gift giving and receiving. For that reason, my husband and I have a Step 3 in the Christmas plan. This year — or (wishful thinking) in another year or two — we plan to have a conversation with our son if (when) it seems that he is doubting the Santa story. I know my son, and I know that his curiosity will get the better of him and he will do everything he can to solve the mystery of the “realness” of Santa. He will inevitably find out that parents have a hand in making Santa happen, and when he does we intend to tell him that his determinations are correct. We will tell him that we help Santa, and then we will ask him to help us keep his sister in the dark about it all. That might sound cruel and strange, but to me it is giving a little bit of magic back to a child who didn’t ask to be a skeptic. It is just my son’s nature to try to figure things out, but I know (from personal experience) that he will be devastated when he does solve the mystery and will long for the times when a benevolent gift giver surprises you rather than parents who can hold it over your head in exchange for chores and good behavior. So, we will ask him to keep quiet on Christmas Eve when our daughter wonders when Santa will arrive, and will… Continue Reading When One Twin Becomes Skeptical About Santa

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The Three Gifts Rule: Dematerializing Christmas

Twiniversity — Sat, 22 Nov 2014 05:00:20 +0000

Ah, it’s that time of year again – time to enjoy the magic of the holidays and all of the heart-warming Christmas traditions that the season brings. Making gingerbread houses and cookies for Santa, caroling with friends and neighbors, a family outing to select the perfect Christmas tree, the annual viewing of “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” or “The Nutcracker,” and a reverent Christmas Eve church service that is the quintessential reminder of the “reason for the season.” For our family, though, all of those memory making activities and events somehow get lost and are less special in the quest for “stuff,” and the desire to quench the “give me” attitude my children seem to adopt as soon as Christmas lights are hung and Santa arrives at the local shopping mall. As early as September (birthday month for my twins), I start hearing “I’ll ask Santa for that” or “I really want/need/have to have…” Last year as I was scrambling to find the “must have” toy of the year for my son, and worrying that my budget wouldn’t stretch far enough to get my twins everything they wanted, I heard about an intriguing “trend” in gift giving. It seems that other families also feel much more stress than enchantment when it comes to celebrating Christmas, and have a solution. Families of all types are choosing to scale back Christmas gift giving festivities and limit the number of gifts received for the holiday. This year, our family too, will adopt a variation of the “three-gift rule” that many have found helps bring back the joy and gratitude of the holidays. The three gift approach is implemented in a variety of ways. Some families model their gift-giving on the gifts the Three Wise Men gave to baby Jesus – Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh. A typical interpretation of this is to give one gift (Gold) that the child will treasure, or a toy that is really wanted. Frankincense is represented by something spiritual like a Bible or Nativity set, and Myrrh is a gift for the body (clothes or lotions). Others stick with three gifts, but allow those three presents to be anything the child wants. In this scenario, kids have to decide on their absolute three top wishes (a feat that I imagine is very difficult for children who are like my 6 year olds). Still others assign non-religious meaning to the three gifts. Glennon Doyle Melton, author of the popular Momastery.com blog, gives each of her children “something they want, something they need, and something to read.” The primary similarity between the varying approaches to holiday gift giving is that most cap the number of gifts to be given at three per child. For me, the most compelling reason to want to have a family meeting and introduce a new “three-gift rule” is that I feel like it will give us more time. I want to decorate the tree and tell my children the meaning behind each ornament, I would love to make keeping up with the Advent calendar a special way to celebrate the days leading up to Christmas, and I long to read “The Night Before Christmas” with my kids without worrying that my night before Christmas doesn’t have enough hours in it to wrap and assemble all of the gifts. In previous years I just did not feel like I had the time to cherish those precious and fleeting moments that are unique to the holiday season. I spent all of the time before Christmas eeking out hours and minutes to search for piles of gifts to put under the tree, and the day of Christmas reading instructions and putting together plastic contraptions that my kids lost interest in almost immediately. None of the gifts that Santa brought to me when I was a child stand out in my memories of childhood Christmases. I don’t recall feeling either ecstatic or sad about my gift haul from any year. I do remember baking cookies with my mom using the time-worn recipe passed down from her mother and grandmother. I remember our prime spot on the pier as we, as a family, watched the annual boat parade of lights. I remember “helping” my dad transform our house into a Christmas wonderland. I remember my grandmother’s tear-filled eyes as we held hands and sang “Silent Night” at the first midnight Christmas Eve service I was allowed to attend. I want my kids to have those same moments of nostalgia when they remember the Christmas seasons of their childhood. I don’t think the Hot Wheels car maker (that hasn’t been touched in months), or THE American Girl Doll of the Year under the tree, will be the stuff of future recollections. For me, for us, I think the three gift rule will give us more time. I hope that it will open the door for more family time, and less shopping time. For others it might give the opportunity to emphasize the “reason for the season” and diminish the commercialism that often surrounds Christmas and Santa Claus. Giving just three gifts would certainly minimize Christmas spending and deter the “gimmes.” It will be tougher than I want to admit to adhere to the three gift rule. I like to see my kids when they are giddy that Santa remembered something they wanted months ago, even if that is short-lived. I recognize that it is reassuring to be able to “spoil” your children after a year of hard work and long office hours. I dread hearing the inevitable comparisons to what “so and so” got from Santa and trying to explain how we wrote a letter to Santa and asked for only three things. I know that I will get frustrated when my twins aren’t as cooperative or agreeable as I envision when we choose to enjoy new-found family time doing “Christmas-like” things. I’m pretty confident, though, that the positives far outweigh the negatives, and for the first time that I can remember… Continue Reading The Three Gifts Rule: Dematerializing Christmas

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No Do-Overs: Missing The Wisdom That Comes With Parenting Experience

Twiniversity — Tue, 14 Oct 2014 05:00:50 +0000

I know that I should strive to be as positive as possible about the joys of twins, and be ever thankful for our double blessing (and I truly am overwhelmingly grateful). Tonight, though, as I was struggling to deal with a bedtime issue (I naively thought those were over now that they are six years old), I realized that there is one thing I really regret about twins being my only children… I don’t have a “do-over child!” Two “spirited” children are all that my husband and I can handle, emotionally and financially. So, my twins are, and will be, my only two children. The problem is that since they were born on the same day, are obviously the same age, and hit stages and milestones at basically the same time, they witness our efforts to teach them to navigate society and become good people together. That also means that they bear the brunt of all of our parenting mistakes (and there have been many) together, and we don’t have a chance to “get it right” with the next child. Before my twins even celebrated their first birthday I knew that I had made a big mistake allowing the bedtime routine to become ridiculously long. When the kids were around three years old, I began to regret not being a stronger enforcer of a “clean up after yourself” policy. I recognized (but didn’t know what to do about it) that whining was becoming a way too often used tactic when the twins were five. Now, at six years old, as I coerce them to do hours of homework the night before it is due, I know that I should have made thirty minutes a night non-negotiable from the beginning. Luckily, I still have time to instill new school year routines, and to turn a deaf ear to whining, and to require that all toys be picked up each and every evening. Doing all of that retroactively is hard, though. Much harder than getting it right the first time. One book, one kiss and hug, and no more talking after lights out is a much more manageable directive for a younger child than my feisty, strong-willed 6-year-old daughter. The threat of throwing away toys that are left on the floor at night has more of an impact when your son is not old enough to call your bluff (or retrieve them from the trash can). If I was to welcome a third child, I know that I would make a lot of different parenting decisions. I have many friends who, upon the birth of their second child, became completely different parents. The sniffles and fever that had them calling their pediatrician at midnight, barely registers on the concern meter with the sibling. The second child is often expected to adapt way more than the doted on and coddled first child (or children), and the parents are often more adaptable too – knowing this time around that a missed nap or a vegetable-less dinner is not the end of the world. I sometimes long for that wisdom that comes with experience. When tackling parenting conundrums I, admittedly, often wish for the luxury of hindsight when making decisions. When twins are your first and only children there are no “do-overs.” There have been many nights that my husband and I re-hash parenting decisions we made throughout the day or week, and have genuine regret about how we handled the situation. I have had to challenge my initial parenting reaction and think creatively about how to handle tricky situations on the fly, and I know that with more forethought and experience that response would be a lot different (and probably a lot better). As they get older those challenges seem to be even more important. When my son tells me that “nobody at school will be friends with him” or when my daughter stands in front of the mirror sucking in her stomach and exclaims that she is happy that she is “skinny” (she’s SIX!), I know that what I say and do really matters. Of course, the answer or response would not be flippant or reactionary even if I had a younger child simply because I had another chance to do it better the next time. But I sure would enjoy the “heads up” that having an older child gives you when faced with the same issues with the second. If I was granted a rewind I would be a lot more careful about what my daughter sees and hears about body image. I would have separated my children sooner in their preschool class to help give my son social skills that he didn’t have to develop because his sister made friends for him. With a second child I would know that learning to “fit in” on the playground is as important as knowing ABCs and 1-2-3s. I would be sure to teach, from an early age, that who my daughter is, and all that she can do, is way more important that what she looks like. Perhaps, though, the lesson is that you can never get it just right. Whether you have an only child (or only twins), or a whole house full of little ones, you probably agonize over what discipline method is most effective for that individual child and what messages each child most needs to hear. There is no one-size-fits-all parenting strategy – and that’s something I need to remind myself next time I am second-guessing my MoM decisions. I may not have the chance to be a more prepared, more thoughtful parent with a second (third) child, but I do have the opportunity to grow and learn WITH my children – and that’s a very good thing. Shellie Fossick is “mom” to 5 year old boy/girl twins. She is also the Development Director for a non-profit organization that provides high quality early care and education for more than 400 low-income children in Middle Tennessee. She lives in Nashville,… Continue Reading No Do-Overs: Missing The Wisdom That Comes With Parenting Experience

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Managing Twins in Separate Classrooms

Twiniversity — Tue, 26 Aug 2014 05:00:35 +0000

My twins are first graders(!) Before they entered Kindergarten last year, I agonized over whether it was good or bad that our school district has a policy to separate twins, and wondered if I should appeal (as is the procedure) to have them in the same classroom for just their first year. We were hesitant about separation because they were already going to be the youngest in the class and likely the smallest, and we thought it might help them to have each other. Nevertheless, we also saw a lot of positives to letting them have some independence, and ultimately opted to keep them in separate classrooms. They ended up loving having their own friends and teachers (who were luckily the perfect “type” of teacher for their individual personalities), and were content to check-in with each other during their art, music and gym classes, which they did have together. It was a whirlwind year, full of fun and surprises – for all of us. The kids certainly learned a lot, and I too, had a lot of learning to do as a first-time mom of school-age children. Yes, there are countless parents with two or more children in elementary school at the same time, but I can tell you that having multiples in separate Kindergarten classrooms presents some unique challenges that just aren’t the same when you have ones of different ages. Whether it is when they are on completely opposite sides of the stage at their very first performance, or when you mix up the homework pile and have to sheepishly ask the teacher who was assigned what, there will come a time when you realize that your Kindergarten experience as a twin parent is not quite the same as those with only one child at a time being ushered in to “real school.” There were a few things that really stood out to me, when I reminisced about the year, that I would have loved to have known before the year began: The First Day When you walk into the school on that very first day, as a parent, you experience a myriad of emotions. You are likely to be a little sad, a lot excited, and almost as nervous and scared as your kids. You want to be there to walk them in their classroom, to meet their teacher, to help them put their brand new backpack in their cubby, and to smile through threatening tears as you hug them goodbye and wish them a good day. They want that even more, both of them. On our first day my husband and I split duty, me taking one and him the other, and we arrived promptly at the start of the school day, as the bell was ringing and announcements began. My suggestion, with hindsight, is to arrive early! Give yourself a little more time to take each of your children to see where the other will be, to spend a little more time in each classroom, and to not feel like anyone was shortchanged on the big day (check out their crazy story here!) Parties There seem to be parties and celebrations for everything in Kindergarten, and parents are invited to most of them. If parents are invited, parents will be there, and if you aren’t, your child is likely to think you are the only one who is missing. My husband and I both work full-time, and simply can’t be at all the events. Talk to your children beforehand and explain that you will be absent. If you will be able to make it, really try to think about the logistics of being in both classrooms. If the parties are at the exact same time, have an interactive activity or performance, or will mean that your child is expecting you to sit by his or her side throughout, it is harder than you think to make it to both! With a little discussion beforehand, both of our kids were fine with whatever arrangements we could manage. Parties are not just limited to the classroom, either. My kids each had 20+ other children in their rooms, and most celebrated a birthday sometime throughout the year. It is our school/teacher policy that if one child is given an invitation in the classroom, everyone must be invited. For twins in separate classrooms that means birthday celebrations with at least 40 children invited. While I would love to include everyone – that’s a lot of kids! My children have a summer birthday, so we skirt that issue somewhat – but it definitely warranted discussion well before the actual day, since I did learn that my two were concocting big plans for all of their friends! The other issue that arises, thanks to separate classrooms, is that it is very likely that one of your twins will be invited to a party for a classmate and the other won’t be included. For twins who are used to doing everything together, this can be upsetting. My best suggestion is to decide now, how you are going to handle it. We let the invited one go, and the other got a special day with the parent not attending the party. Some people ask the parent of the birthday child if the twin can attend as well. Some don’t go at all. Just know, that with separate classrooms and different friends, it will come up. Homework When you think of Kindergarten, you probably don’t immediately think of homework – but each week my two did have “home fun” to complete. A packet of worksheets, project descriptions, and activities were sent home each Monday in my kid’s classrooms and were to be returned on Friday. For the first part of the year my twins had basically the same assignments, with some variations in how they were tested on sight words, or how they were to present their projects. By the end of the year, though, they were still working on the same general… Continue Reading Managing Twins in Separate Classrooms

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